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Victory Road IC Inbox
"You have reached Dr. Egon Spengler. Please leave a message, preferably fifty words or less."
"You have reached Dr. Egon Spengler. Please leave a message, preferably fifty words or less."
"You have reached Dr. Egon Spengler. Please leave a message, preferably fifty words or less."
no subject
How can I help you?
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ok ok so like. i just caught my FIRST EVER pokedude and of course i looked the little guy up and
this is too much to type HUMAN FINGERS JUST CANT KEEP UP!!!!!1 u wanna turn on ur video?
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[Beep! Gaige gets a shot of the top of Egon's head before the camera adjusts and focuses on his face. Faraday peers at the camera with curiosity. Egon blinks and clears his throat.]
Show me the Pokémon in question, please.
video
In-tro-ducing...The all-seeing Orel Fluffington The Third, Esquire! Or Orel for short. [...] Oh! ORELCLE! [A chuckle.] I'm a GENIUS.
[She bobs the kitten in her arms as she celebrates that punny victory, but his eyes don't move from being transfixed across the screen.]
Anyway, apparently this guy has MASSIVE PSYCHIC ENERGY stored in some organ hidden behind his little ears. He keeps 'em folded to stop it from leaking out, or something.
[A gentle fluff of the ear with one robot finger.]
So, I thought, you know, what kind of psychic power is that, you know? It's a really broad term, and it doesn't sound like anyone's really been all that committed to finding it out. It's like putting a warning sign on a jar that doesn't tell you if it's gonna melt your skin off or just give you a rash. I gotta know.
But, if I'm gonna potentially expose myself to getting my brain melted, I'm gonna need a witness. For science.
...Also I guess it can double as an experiment to see if psychic energy can be transmitted across devices. We are gonna be making SO MANY discoveries today.
You in?
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After a moment, Egon takes out a PokéBall and returns Faraday. He doesn't want her being caught in whatever fallout that occurs. But he does want to see this.]
This sounds like an incredibly dangerous and ill-formed plan.
[A beat.]
I would recommend that you have a notebook and pencil on hand, in case you PokéGear malfunctions in the resulting psychic blast. If you are unable to write coherently, we will have to take what scattered words you write as evidence. I, myself, would like to take notes on the radius of whatever psychic energy emission occurs.
[He's the worst at preventing other people from doing stupid shit because SCIENCE and also he wants to know]
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[Dangerous and ill-formed is her ENTIRE jam.]
Ooh- good idea. Lemme check. [She holds up Orel to Turtonator, off-screen.] Hey, T.T, hold him for a sec.
[Turtonator obliges, and Gaige places the PokeGear down as she digs through her bag. She tosses out some trail mix, some potions, pegs, and eventually upturns the whole thing into the snow.]
...Nope. No pencil here. Or notebook, but I could just scribble on the back of the map. Geez, I've got tiny toothpaste and not a single pen. Talk about priorities.
[She rolls her eyes, shoves everything back in the bag, and picks up the 'Gear so it's not just at a really awkward angle catching the side of Gaige's pigtail against the sky. She motions to Turtonator and scoops the Espurr back into her arm once again.]
Shouldn't be too bad, right? Like, if my brain gets scrambled entirely I can just...tell everything to T.T! Then all you have to do is build a machine that translates from Turtle to People. Simple.
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[This plan is completely fool proof! He pulls out his own notebook and pencil, which is already filled with So Many sticky notes and ramblings about Pokémon biology.]
I will, of course, take my own notes of what will occur, though they will be limited to visual and audio observations. Please eliminate any possible external factors from this experiment, such as psychic interference from your own mind or any other Pokémon in the area.
[If this was his own experiment, he'd try and be in as sterile an environment as possible, but sometimes, you have to make sacrifices to get results.]
Whenever you are ready, we can proceed.
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Not that that's going to happen.
Probably.
[She sounds kind of conflicted at the prospect. On the one hand, bad-ass. On the other hand, she kind of wants to not die? She holds up the pokeball and Turtonator returns in a flash of red light. She pops it in her belt and places the PokeGear down on a nearby rock, angling it upwards.
She steps backwards, not too far, but enough that her whole body can fit in frame.]
Okay! Uh, if you're recording this - which, you probably should if something super cool happens that can't be captured on paper - it's the tenth of January, test subject's name's Gaige, and this is The All-Seeing Orel Fluffington III, etcetera, etcetera, whatever, who cares - are you ready to DO THIS?
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[He seems...100% serious about this. He almost blasted his own hand off when he was testing the proton packs, and that never stopped him. Even if this experiment goes south, she can tell him about her experiences as a ghost, right?
Egon watches carefully, his pencil poised above his paper.]
Ready. Start the experiment.
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[In actions that don't quite match the theatrics, she sits the Espurr on her lap and moves to flip up both ears at once. The creature waggles its nubby arms at her in protest, but, by tragedy of evolution, they're too short to make any kind of difference.
Soon enough, the ears are unfolded.
What comes first is perfect, total silence. Then, suddenly, there is a heavy sound, dropping through the ears to a deep pit in the body, weighing down the soul itself.
The feed buzzes and blurs, colors melding into each other and abstracting in a number of ways, only a handful comprehensible to the human mind.
By the time the video returns to normal, Gaige is collapsed in the snow, Espurr sitting beside body, unblinking.]
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Ah. Well. That seems to be a problem.]
Gaige?
[When she doesn't respond, he clears his throat and looks towards the unblinking Espurr. What was it's name, again?]
Mister...Orel, if you will please describe to me what just occurred?
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And, for once, both his eyes focus on the same point.
He stares directly at Egon, right into his soul.]
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After a few moments, Spengler nods and jots few notes down in his notebook.]
Thank you for your invaluable input. I always try to take information from primary sources.
[When he finishes, he looks back up at the screen.]
Gaige?
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After what feels like a few minutes of her laying in the snow, Gaige begins to stir to life. What starts as a pained groan quickly becomes an intense yell, and she bolts up with mechanical rigidity, limbs trembling with an uncontainable energy.]
I...CAN...SEE...EVERYTHING! [Her eyes wide, flashing a brighter green than her goggles can contain.] I AM THE ALPHA AND THE OMEGA! I DEAL DEATH! I AM THE INFINITE! [She throws her head back with a maniacal cackle.] I am getting a God complex and I LIKE IT!
[She wasn't just firing on all cylinders, she's firing on cylinders she never had before. Information was flooding to her brain with a speed she couldn't keep up with, feeling every synapse response, hot and electrifying. It was happening almost too much, too fast, sending a machine into overload -
And so, like a circuitboard fried, she shuts down, collapsing face-first into the snow once more.]
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He proceeds to speak in a completely unconcerned tone--]
I see, I see. As I suspected, the residual psychic energy blast resulted in a rapid escalation of brain activity. I--
[Aaand she's down for the count again. Egon pauses for a moment, raising an eyebrow before writing down another note--"GOD COMPLEX" and "BIBLE VERSES IN OTHER DIMENSIONS"]
Hm. Yes. Thank you for participating in this thrilling experiment.
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Give her a moment, and she'll slooowwwly push herself up.]
Uuuuuugh my brain feels like reheated barf. [Deep inhale. Exhale.] Whoof.
[Orel turns his head over to her, and waddles back to sit in her arms and stare at the camera in two directions.]
How'd we do, doc? Feels like all my chakras are...I'm not gonna pretend like I know what a chakra is.
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[Egon taps the pencil against his chin, ruminating over his notes.]
Overall, you do not appear to be dead, and we now have a significant amount of information about the psychic capabilities of Espurr. I would consider this trial to be a success. I can send you a text file of these observations. Of course, there is the question of future trials under alternate conditions, but those can wait until I get a hand of a PKE meter.
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[She places her palm on Espurr's head to steady herself.]
That's- that's all pretty awesome but - [She blinks wearily, and attempts to stare at the camera.] - did it look cool?
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[Egon pauses, then scratches out a few numbers on his notebook. He's...not really a very good judge when it comes to "coolness" factor, but he'll try. He taps his pencil against his chin, then quirks an eyebrow and looks towards the camera.]
It was very likely the most interesting psychic explosion that I have ever witnessed. Thus, it looked very cool.
[There's your confirmation, Gaige!]
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[Gaige had pumped her fist in the air in triumph but yelling so loudly kind of aggravated the whole brain soup she's got going on, and so quickly retracts it to cradle her forehead.
She directs her attention to Orel now.]
Oh man, I knew you were gonna be a hardcore killer when I saw you. It's the eyes. [She looks back over to Egon.] We can probably go for bigger psychic explosions than that, though, right? If I train his mind with spoons or sudoku or whatever.
no subject
Of course. However, I would recommend you first take the time to recover your brain cells, perhaps by eating copious amounts of fish.
[A pause. His eyes seem to glint with a hint of excitement.] Then, we can get to the bigger psychic explosions. Keep track of your progress on training Mr. Orel. I look forward to seeing what else this creature is capable of.
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[In spite of how mentally blasted she feels, she’s brimming with excitement. All this? INCREDIBLY cool. She’s got mindmelting kittens to research and a super cool mentor to help her along the way. Turns out not being on Pandora anymore wasn’t half bad.
Though, along that train of thought, she does have one more question.]
Uh, do we...have...fish here?
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I have seen restaurants serving sushi.
[That...doesn't really answer Gaige's question.]
If you would like, I could give you my current dissertation on what I believe to be the viable source of meat products this dimension.
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[An immediate response, without hesitation.]
Send me your meat dissertation. Right. Now.
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In summary--the meat of this universe is not actually "meat". Most people from my dimension as well as the other dimensional arrivals to this world would define meat to be the flesh of a once living being, such as beef or chicken or fish. Thus, we automatically assume the "meat" in this world to originate from living beings.
However, no one in this universe seems to know where any edible meat is sourced from. The most logical conclusion would be that the meat comes from Pokémon, but suggesting this to the local populace causes most to dismiss it quickly. The citizens of this dimension do not have any problems with consuming Pokémon products if the Pokémon are not harmed, such as milk or eggs or Slowpoke tails. If the meat is not sourced from the living beings of this world, where does it comes from?
Theory one: The "meat" in this world is not actually sourced from living beings. In a different dimension, it is not out of the realm of possibility that words have different definitions entirely. As we are outsiders to this dimension, this definition would not be inherent to us and thus we have difficulty grasping the local terminology. However, this theory would not explain the presence of certain foods such as jerky or sushi, which taste remarkably similar to my dimension's version of these culinary creations.
Theory two, which is far more simple: humans have previously consumed Pokémon and with the advancement of technology have grown past the consumption of living creatures due to the ethical and moral dilemma associated with the action. Given the technological state of this world, it is not illogical to assume that society is able to readily produce non-meat based foods that closely mimic the taste and texture of the real thing, to the point that consuming Pokémon becomes unnecessary entirely.
[He pauses as he adjusts his glasses.]
Do you have any questions?
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